the crisis that is life

since i seem to be using this blog as a journal of sorts, let's imagine that right about this time in my life i am having a crisis. it may not be a mid-life crisis, but it is still a crisis of sorts. let us imagine it as a quarter life crisis, a crisis i should have had when i graduated high-school, instead of waiting 8 years to figure out life. well the brain-storming begins, so to say. what is it that life has in store for me, from my point of view right now that is not very much. it seems that by 25 someone should be able to look into a glass globe, or perhaps read some tea leaves and have some idea of how this life will turn out. instead of just sitting at home pondering upon the computer, or as some would say ranting, about how their life sucks so much. pity parties are not received well, unless it is a party of one, then the are a huge hit (at least to me). so what is the point to this so well thought out journal entry, of sorts. not much. why is it that once a decent thought or some idea of what the future may hold, a disaster of sorts, a disaster of ideas, of what could or could not be, interrupts the first. fatalism. as of now that is the belief i am holding to, although i hope to somehow change that, therefore disproving my theory. to be able to change the fates, to create a destiny on your own, would be great. but then again, who wants to mess with what was meant to be, even if what was meant, is not much. this crisis should pass, as all crises do, soon there will be a new one. as life goes, quarter life crisis does not amount to much. when the half way mark comes a knocking, hopefully i will be there to hear the knock, then we will see how that crisis plays out. i hope it plays to the tune of a fancy new car, a huge house somewhere tropical, and perhaps a new husband (if one has already been divorced). those are the things i hope to be believing in for my next crisis, then this crisis will seem much smaller and at least right now i am still idealistic in what it is i'm searching for. i soon hope that this idealism will turn into materialism, but getting to that point will mean following a path that perhaps this crisis will lead to.

so pity party done.